A new stage in my life.

As most Chiarian's know after surgery we go through our ups and our downs.. I had been through both and thought that I of course had a grip... So I moved forward as I always try and do.. Focused on being "normal". We had planned on going to a rockabilly convention in Las Vegas for a year and years ago I was a swing dancer and loved to be swept away into 1950's and 1940's. So we set of no matter what came in our way to Las Vegas so I could get away from my reclusive life and engulf my self in people, cars, and the beautiful pin-up girl I so want to be.

BOY-was I kidding my self.

As I try and tell everyone I speak to "where you are is where you are suppose to be", and as normal I was not listening to myself. So we went, a little back ground on me, I can not drive anymore do to my seizures and find myself feeling stuck in my house and alone. I am a person who needs and craves people and this has made my life very hard so Vegas was a must. We went and it was not what I was expecting.. the first night was great. We hung out at the Orleans hotel and I was in heaven with old friends and beautiful people but as the second day came I found my self slower and more tired then I have ever been.. Moving forward and being stubborn I pushed myself into not being able to attend the big car show and of course yes having a seizure in Las Vegas.

Sad and upset that no matter where I went and how hard I pushed or how hard I tried to let it be my limitations were there. This realization was the biggest for me. Most would say no big deal so you could not go to the car show, but it was more.  I realized as I sat alone waiting for my friends and husband to come back that no matter what, I was different. I was not the same, I had changed and it was not what I wanted but what had to be. The hardest part was I had no say, my opinion did not matter because it was already done and I didn't brake the law or get in trouble but I felt like I was forced to be on house arrest and there was not end.

Not only have I had to come to an understanding that I have Chiari and a number of other health issues but I am a Zipperhead. That means that I can't do the things I once did because I am different and I am not the same. Some will argue the point and say, "oh your the same Heather as always". Those are the people who see or talk to me maybe once a month not everyday and have not fully excepted what I had to in Vegas.

The truth is I am sick, I have limitations and even if I look good or seam fine I'm not. You know what it's ok, I miss it and it was hard but I can't change it and I can't fix it. I had the surgery I am what I am.. I'm not a negative person and I am not always a positive one either, I'm a realist. I aways have been the glass is what it is when I need more water I'll go get some.

As most of you might not know I need Zipperheads for Chiari as much as you do. You all help me get through what I going through also. August is coming up and as bad as I wish I was better then I am at my two year anniversary of my brain surgery this is what my gut is saying to me. "Heather you are still here, you get to hold your children and love your husband. You have love all around you and in return you give it back, the surgery was the right choose".

So for those of you who wounder what we are going through because we look fine thats it that's what it like for a lot of us. For Chiarians who know what its like you are never alone and for the ones who are facing the question should I get the surgery? I'd say yes, with the correct NS and the correct surgery for you YES!!!!! So you can also enjoy life as it comes, it may be different and it may be hard but it is so worth it.  Life is not always what we think and sometime we don't get to chose our road BUT we do get the chose how we deal with it. I try and deal with life one day at a time. I try and wake up and push all the negativity away and embrace with love.

I am a Chiari brain surgery survival and am proud to be here and support and love you as you have me. This is just my opinion and it may be different for others my intentions are never hurt anyone and always love, love with support.