Our swings we go though

 After my surgery I went to my Neurosurgeon frustrated. I felt as if my body was all over the place. I was up and down, crying, unable to handle the simplest things and I was frustrated. I said to her at the time “it made me worse”. I remember exactly how I felt not just physically but emotionally and I had enough. Looking back it’s kind of silly of me because I was only a few months post opp and I was very progressive prior to the surgery, Oh and I had just had “Brain surgery“. Not just Brain surgery but a rare disease invasive surgery and not only did they perform the regular decompression but also removed/shrunk my cerebellum tonsils. In any case I was upset as we should be after our surgery because even though we know there is no cure in the back of our minds we want it to fix us 100%. Well for most of us it does not and it can be very frustrating. So as I am crying and not understanding why I was not getting better but have been feeling worse, this is what she told me.

   Heather look at your brain with Chiari as a grandfather clock and the pendulum is out of control. Some days it swings to fast and some days it swings to slow. This is what our body and brain is doing to find the correct way on how to work. It takes time (I hated time at that point) for the pendulum to find the correct swing. Some it only takes a few weeks and some longer. It all depends on how bad prior to the surgery and how long you need to heal. Once you are healed your pendulum will swing at the same pace. At that point I could picture the clock and my clock was way out of control and I could understand.

   Well my Zipperhead family I have not found my swing yet and am patiently waiting (sometimes not so patient) for my swing but the way my mind works I need to see it, feel it, sometimes drawl or write it to understand. I have a very cool silver clock in my house that has a pendulum, now the ironic thing is it does not work. I can not find it in me to get it fixed. Maybe because I’m not at my swing yet!!!!! So I look at it from time to time and wonder if this just another reminder for me to be patient and allow my self the time to be healed. I am the same as all of you I need to understand what in the world is going on with me and all of you. Our minds our like the wonderful machine in the grandfather clock and we need to allow ourselves the time to heal so our pendulum swings the correct way for each one of us.. I think mine might always be a little off and I have come to except that.

   I am so thankful for my NS for explaining it to me in a way I can understand it. I take this very serious but sometimes you need to allow your body to swing the way it needs to swing to heal. Please remember that if you push the pendulum to fast it takes it longer to go back to what it was before you pushed it. So take it easy, don’t be so hard on your selves. We had brain surgery not foot surgery. This all takes time. I don’t know about you but I always want to be in control now I have found out something’s you can’t be. You just have to be good to your self and take care of you. Allow your self to heal, the swings are not fun but the more you push the longer it takes to swing the way it’s suppose to.

Note: this is just my opinion on what happens after surgery. If you have questions I recommend you talk to your doctor. I have NO intentions on hurting anyone or telling them to go against there doctors orders. I am just here for love and support.